Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
