Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
