I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I could fuck to npr.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
