She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
