areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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