my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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