And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
