Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The air taste purple.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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