if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
