remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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