mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
