if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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