Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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