I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
