apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
