those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
