8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
