you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
