You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Alive.
So much puke
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
