i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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