You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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