Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
