i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
