if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
