I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
