Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
