I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
