Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
