A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
