How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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