It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
