someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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