go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
