Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
