FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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