It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
