I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
