as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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