Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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