You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
