I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
