I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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