The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
