I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
