No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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