Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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