Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
try to milk me bitch
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
