Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
