my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
