the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
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