Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
