we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
